sorry about the lack of blogs lately. but i've been a bit busy and a lot of stuff has been going on in my home life that i am not comfortable to put on here. it's been pretty scary at times.
i'll fill you in in basic form real quick.

stuff that has been hurting me for a long time finally came out, this was how i was on the inside. i got to the point where the barriers i held them in couldn't maintain a hold and lock any longer, i broke inside and it all came flooding out in one great go. This was the worst it has been. (and there has been a lot- sorry i can't tell you details)

i broke down completely and now i have to try and rebuild.

i know i'm not on my own anymore. but i have to keep reminding myself that i can't actually do things on my own. i need Him. i need Jesus in my life to keep me sane, and keep me strong, and keep me together in one piece.

He is rebuilding me from the inside out and i'm trusting in the power of prayer. i know He will help me when i am alone and feel like giving up and He has sent amazing people to keep me going when i feel like giving up. Thank you Lord, all praise to you.

i had a rainbow day today after quite a while with way too much grey and only little sparks of colour in the distance. it's days like these that make it all worth it. maybe everyone who has been saying to give it time has a point. after all my God told me that everything will be okay, so i know i'll make it through, and be stronger for it.

and i am so thankful for being able to do athletics today, it's true that exercise really does release endorphins and put you in a good mood. other awesome things that followed only helped. i may not be completely over it all yet, but it's some big things i have to push through, and some parts where God has to carry me, but at least i know i am going to make it through, it is just gonna take a lot of work, a lot of time and a lot of faith and patience.

no matter what happens tomorrow, no matter what comes my way. i know i'm going to keep on going, i just gotta keep the faith and find other places that God has blessed me with that i can channel my hurt and frustrations.

umm just a spontaneous prayer..

Thank you Jesus for sport, for art, and for my friends. Thank you for the amazing things and people you've blessed me with to help me in my times of trouble and frustration.

I pray that one day I can return the favour and be that little bit of hope or inspiration to keep on battling for someone else.

I ask that you can continue to work in my life and give me a spirit of understanding and patience. I pray that you will help me not to bear a burden for things out of my control, and that you will intercede when I try to punish myself for things in the past.

Lord give me a new focus and new light and I pray that I will not be so easily distracted from the important things in life.

Thank you for all things beautiful and wonderful in this creation of yours, thank you for your forgiveness and eternal life.

In your precious name,

Amen.

so thats it for now.

gonna hit the hay, i'm exhausted.

love forever,

louise may xx

10:10pm 30th july 2009

p.s happy birthday justin! you are a true, loyal and trustworthy friend, an inspiration to me and really a God-send when i am in trouble. :)